A meta-analysis of 168 studies comparing caregiving spouses and adult children, and children- in-law found significant differences. Spouses provide more support and report fewer care problems with the recipient.

Spouses also report more depression, and an overall lower level of well-being. Most of it is due to providing higher levels of care. Likely reasons include:

1. They are witnessing the impending loss of the most important person and part of their

own life. (Closer relationships lead to more stress.)

2. They live together and provide more hours of support with less respite.

3. They are older and have more health problems.

Spousal stress levels relative to adult children are inconsistent. But more to the point, their motivations and the causes are significantly different. For children or children-in-law they include:

a) Conflicting responsibilities, like careers and children, increase the risk of role-overload.

b) Obligation and duty are motives for providing care. The greater independence of the relationship can reduce distress relative to a spouse.

c) The high ratio of female to male adult child caregivers can skew the reported stress level simply because females acknowledge it more freely.

A large (maybe the largest) problem for spousal caregivers is isolation. Over half are sole caretakers. Moreover, illness redefines their roles, and it will again when it is over. The tasks add up too; custodial support, nursing support, and often financial management and household tasks.

One thing to do is ensure respite care is available – and used. The second is reduce isolation. It leads to depression, which leads to errors and caregiving problems. Checking in or visiting frequently lets you see what they need and how to help.